She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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