Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
