Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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