suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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