it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
