he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
