is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
