First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
