Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
