Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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