she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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