Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
