the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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