their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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