hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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