FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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