If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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