My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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