I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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