The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
no. you can't hotbox the world.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
