i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I think I won the penis lottery.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
