But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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