just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
