There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
