i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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