I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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