I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
