So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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