Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
