I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
