My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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