my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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