you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
