I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
