well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
