what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
