So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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