He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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