Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
