Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm bleeding and have questions
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
