Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
