Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
