What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
