You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
