Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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