i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
