What did we do last night that was yellow?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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