you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
