It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
