It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
