That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
